At the beginning of quarantine I fell into a really dark place. I was self medicating, people pleasing, and exhaustively striving. During times of productivity and progress I still have had debilitating symptoms. My mental illness became me. It is what I clung too because it was always there. We had been in survival mode for the past 3 years. Caregiving and mourning. Uplifting and uprooting. Unloading and unpacking. Then the dust settled and I realized that life is not supposed to be this way.
I like to think of life as a story and I believe the only way to change our narrative is to give the pen back to the original author. Now that our lives have calmed down a bit, I have had time to process, find a medication combination that works for me, and really have started digging into what I want out of this life. I have realized I just want what God wants for me. I have started to recover and rebuild my life one day at a time, but that means no longer living sick. I had been depressed for so long that I had forgotten what it was like to live well.
The words we speak have the power to strengthen us or make us cower in fear. Just naturally my vocabulary changed during the trauma we were enduring. People would ask me how I was and my response would always be, “hanging in there” and now? I’m not. I am living well. I am on my way to the full life that has been promised to me all along and I hope you grab on to the same invitation to not remain stuck in your darkness any longer.
Life is a journey and we have the choice to either stand healed or remain broken. I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of being broken. I want to love out loud. I want to live a life that is healed not hurting and it all begins with our hearts.
I am telling you all of this because I want you to know God can and will change the narratives of our lives, but he works on our hearts first. He will gently push us up and out of our comfort zones until there is nowhere to move but forward. He gives us the power to speak life when there is none. We have the power to speak hope when it seems so far off, and best of all we have the ability to say “Hey, this isn’t working for me anymore.” Girl, lay that mess down at the foot of the cross and move into all God has for you.
Am I symptom free? No.
I still get irritable. I still overthink. I still get anxious. I still get down…but at the end of the day I know where my help comes from. I know I am not going under and I know you aren’t either. There is someone so powerful He can part seas and calm storms with nothing more than the sound of his voice. That is the God who is speaking to you today. That is the one who is holding you during this storm and every storm you will ever walk through.
I’m praying for you today. Im praying your heart be softened and fully protected by the love of our Savior. That you open up and that you heal. You can rise up and you can get better. Live healed, love blessed, and live whole, friend because you are loved beyond measure. ❤️
“Jesus said to her, “Daughter, you took a risk of faith, and now you’re healed and whole. Live well, live blessed! Be healed of your plague.”
Mark 5:34 MSG