This quarantine has had me in a rut for about a month now. The initial lockdown was almost like a respite I desperately needed. My family all together, all comittments, plans, and to-do lists put on hold, but then life happened. My grandfather was in ICU for a few days, my toddler decided naps were lame and screaming was fun, life always happens and it always will.
I am realizing that life isn’t composed of the ups and downs we might experience but rather how we handle these ups and downs. Depending on the week, day, hour, or minute… I could handle things 5 star or barely at all. I am learning though. Slowly but surely I am learning that it is okay to mess up. It is okay for the plan to change, the direction to shift, or sometimes take it all the way back to square one and try again.
About 2 months ago I purchased a Silhouette maker and I’ve discovered this undying love for all things paper. I have made dreamcatchers, clocks, boxes, you name it. I am obsessed. I’m not sure if it stems from the way I love the way words flow across a handwritten page or my undying love for greeting cards…but it’s super cheap and you can seriously do anything with this mess. Best of all? It gives me an excuse to mess up daily. I mess up a lot. Half the time my finished product looks like something straight out of kindergarten but I always fall in love with the end product because I made it.
I like to think God sees me the same way. I tend to think my failures all pile against me and God probably sees me as some make shift project overflowing with wrong facing pieces and globs of glue hanging out all over the place… But that’s not what he says at all.
He says we are fearfully and wonderfully made, forgiven, and redeemed. All of our past regrets, hurts,and mistakes do not make him why away but make him fight even harder for us. He takes all of the broken pieces and he carefully crafts something to which he beams with pride because his love for us is that big.
Life is not a collection of our past mistakes but a glorious project just waiting to be made new. We have this ability to partner with the Holy Spirit to reconstruct, reimagine, and reinvent the parts of our lives that may need redesigning. Meaning we must let the love and acceptance of Jesus wash over the places where we still are not forgiving ourselves and others. We must surround ourselves with people who can see our true selves and can always point us to the truth of who God says we are no matter what.