When you get pregnant in high school people do not congratulate you right off the bat. There are no fun announcements and it feels much more like a secret than a celebration. You talk about options before you do nursery colors. Doctor’s treat you differently, peers treat you differently, and you wear your shame right out in front of you on a belly the size of Lake Michigan. Eric and I found out we were going to be parents our senior year of high school.
At my first obgyn appointment my feet sat cradled in the stirrups of an uncomfortable table for my very first ultrasound…alone. Not because Eric wasn’t there. Not because I did not have anyone with me, but because the ultrasound tech had said, “The room is really small. There won’t be enough room.” Then later at that same appointment the nurse practitioner greeted me with a “HA! So do you think you’re ready to be a mom?” Which looked completely different from the “Congratulations!” and the encouraging father involvement we got with our second daughter.
These two women were expecting us to fail from the get go. This was the first time in my entire life that I had dealt with any kind of prejudice and it stung.
I held onto these jabs and snide comments for an extremely long time. I let these two circumstances twist and discredit who I was, making me feel less than other mothers and less than other women. It was not until I realized that I had a choice in how those jabs made me feel that I started listening to a different story. I had a choice to listen to what people said or to listen to what the author of my story says. I had a choice to be the “teen mother” people were expecting or to be the mother I always dreamed I could be.
My age was not who I was anymore than my circumstances were. We all have a choice to make when it comes to what we hold near and dear to our hearts, what we let in, and what we let out. Who are we going to listen to? Who are we going to be? What kind of voices are we going to surround ourselves with? God alone holds the power to rewrite our story into a beautiful soliloquy that pours over and under everything we used to be , transforming our lives as He goes.
God made my life complete
when I placed all the pieces before him.
When I cleaned up my act,
he gave me a fresh start.
Indeed, I’ve kept alert to God’s ways;
I haven’t taken God for granted.
Every day I review the ways he works,
I try not to miss a trick.
I feel put back together,
and I’m watching my step.
God rewrote the text of my life
when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes. 2 Samuel 22:21-25 MSG
He can rewrite the text of our lives, but we must first be willing to lay the pieces down and let him do some revising. We have to let him show us the places that need editing before we can get to the new ending. We must tune our ears to the author, hand over the pen, and be willing to do things a little differently.