I have learned a lot about mental illness through first hand experience. I started writing this blog when I was experiencing the worst depression of my life and kind of just settled on the fact that my life was not going to get any better. I accepted a disorder as my identity and shrunk my God down to size that was manageable to reality. I became more and more depressed plunging deeper and deeper into a dark, downward spiral when finally I hit rock bottom. I started thinking I was better off dead. I believed the lie that God must want me to live this way because no matter how much I prayed I could not shake the feeling over overwhelming dread. I had made it two years without being on medication with His help. I must be doing something wrong now. I sat in my thoughts day in and day out praying, worshiping, and crying out until the suicidal thoughts still became too much. I called my doctor. I got placed back on medication and I could finally see God’s goodness again.
I want this blog to reflect the healing from those experiences, and what it looks like to step into a new season God is calling us into. A season to heal and reflect. We serve an omnipresent God who is in every little thing. My hope here is that you see healing comes in all shapes and sizes we just have to be open to receiving the help he sends us all along the way. Mental health is so important and I believe it is something heavy on the Lord’s heart in this hour. He does not want you to stay in that place of apathy. He wants you to rise up, take charge of your health, and slay the giants in front of you…and you will. I have full faith that you will.
My hope in writing my story is that you will see that darkness is not a place for you to stay. It may be a creepy rest stop on the highway of life but you do not have to stay there. You were made for an abundant and full life that no one can take away and the Father is just waiting to come along side of you in your journey. Whether you have just started out or you have been doing this for years, I invite you to draw nearer and closer than you ever have before. I hope my story always points you back to the faithfulness of the Lord and I pray those places holding you back are brought into the light.
I hope that you see there is space for healing in different ways, in different days, but that above all else it is possible to be okay. Everyday is made new and every step you take is an invitation to walk a little deeper into who the Lord has called you to be.