This summer has been crazy. Let me talk to you about two year olds. They. Don’t Care.
I have seen this child clock her sister in the head with a coffeepot and throw a fit because she couldn’t wear deodorant as lip gloss.
Meanwhile, our eight year old likes to see how quickly she can get this baby to care by pushing all of her buttons. Every. Single. Button.
Needless to say, our summer has been eventful. Our plan for this summer was to have no plan. We would wake up when we want. Go places when we want. Simply, do whatver we want. No agenda. This was to be a time of rest and refueling for us as a family.
Losing one grandparent is tough enough. Then 4 months later to get another Stage IV diagnosis just kind of knocked us all on our butts. We were all in desperate need of a complete reset from our normal routine.
These past few weeks I have done nothing but beat myself up. “The house isn’t clean. The laundry isn’t done. I have dishes to do. We aren’t going enough places.”
I completely strayed from the God given plan and it is not even July yet.
I woke up yesterday morning with overwhelming guilt and some pretty brutal fatigue. Yesterday was a rough one. Then I started thinking about my favorite Summers as a child and what I did. Nothing. I did nothing except what I wanted to do. I would play computer games, watch TV, and play at home, see friends from time to time, and go on vacation in July, but aside from that there was no true itnerary.
So how in the world did this happen? How did my plan for No Plan go so quickly awry!?
Because I’m a fool, that’s why.
About a week ago God woke me up with this intense feeling of comfort. I looked over and Madi had snuck into bed with me. I put my arm over her for a good morning snuggle when God hit me with a, “They just want you.” As my sweet girl nestled down and slept a few minutes more it washed over me a few more times before we settled in for the day.
I have a fear of rest. I am terrified of “being still.” It has been one of the resounding lessons for me over the course of the past two years and I am still not a fan. In my mind I have correlated “being still” and “resting” with being depressed.
Resting because your human and isolating because you are depressed are two very different things.
This is what the Lord says: “Be just and fair to all. Do what is right and good, for I am coming soon to rescue you and to display my righteousness among you. Blessed are all those who are careful to do this. Blessed are those who honor my Sabbath days of rest and keep themselves from doing wrong.
Isaiah 56:1-2 NLT
Let me tell you, I have not rested. I have not been doing right. I can tell you that much. I have not enjoyed anything I wanted to enjoy. Instead I have yelled, cried, and taken it out on my family because I am burnt out from all of my striving.
There are days when we will do awesome, fun, summer things straight outta Pintrest, but there are also days we are going to be home in pajamas eating popcorn. There are times that recharging and resting are needed for me to function as their mother and for them to be happy too. Most importantly, All of it is alright.
The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.
Lamentations 3:22-23 NLT
Today is a new morning.
If you need rest today. Stay home.
If you are like me and need copious amounts of human interaction. Reach out.
Above all though, know you are doing a great job. It’s summer. Those kids are just crazy.