Let me tell you a secret about being a stay at home mom. We crave appreciation. CRAVE IT. Whoops, okay, maybe that is taking it too far. Maybe it’s just me? Maybe just once in awhile I would like my seven year old to stand up and sing my praises to the world for finding her shoe that was right in front of her face the entire time, or for my husband to make a speech in my honor about how well I made the same meal that I always make again and again. Once again, maybe I am just the only attention seeking stay at home mom out there, but I am pretty sure at least one person out there is feeling this same type of way.
Anyways, I have been wading in these feelings off and on for years. Hoping, praying, wishing, and even throwing pennies at this feeling, to try and get it to go away. It is a process. There are days I feel loved, valued, and I am strong in my worth as a Child of God and a Daughter of Day. Then there are days when I am covered in baby excrement and utter defeat, ya know, good days and bad days. You win some you lose some. One thing is for sure, on those days where I am clawing my way through motherhood I desperately want to be seen.
Hagar in Genesis 16 wanted to be seen too. A slave woman who was forced by her mistress to have a child, then mistreated to the point of fleeing. My whining quickly got squashed down to its appropriate size. Hagar was a slave meaning she had no identity of her own. Writhing in her misery an angel finds her and lets her know of God’s hope and promise for her life. She and her son were given their own identities and a promise for a future. This woman who once had no say so over her own body and no identity of her own gave God a new name. El Roi, The God Who Sees Me.
Sometimes the only way I know God sees me is if I can see God, so today after the kids went with Mooma, I risked getting struck by lightning. It wasn’t near as risky as I just made it seem, but it did feel that way at first because it was raining pretty hard. I stood face up to the sky as the rain poured onto my skin. The warm summer air fogged up my glasses. I could barely see, but I needed to see Him in this situation.
I think the most tangible way to experience God is through nature. Seeing natural growth puts life into perspective. The shapeliness of the trees unrestricted and free. The way rain soaks just the right way to nourish all the life it touches. A lot of creation is still so unaltered and even when it is, there is still a naturalness you have a hard time finding in man. Sometimes it is necessary to feel the vibrations of a thunderstorm in order to revive our hearts and remember the promises.
In the midst of pity party I forgot about El Roi, not just that my God sees me, but this is the same God that saw me first. (Jeremiah 1:5) Now do not get me wrong, it is important to say thank you and to feel appreciated, but it is also important to see where the thunder within comes from and that it is unavailable through anyone else. I was so worn out and focused on everything that was wrong with my life that I started losing sight of all the wonderful things about my family. I was forgetting the promise. Life is too short and family is too valuable for pettiness. Once God opened my eyes to not only who my acknowledgement and fulfillment comes from He also opened my eyes to ways my family shows me appreciation. It may not be a grand gesture (because really who has time for that) but it is long blonde hair getting stuck in my mouth because we are cuddling so close (“for just five more minutes”), tiny, running baby feet yelling “MAMA!!!,” or time just the two of us bingeing Netflix when the kids go to sleep. Sometimes rhythms have to be changed so we are able to remember who we were created to be before they needed us. Rest has to happen. There needs to be a time for enjoyment and carefree laughs, and there needs to be an importance placed on feeling for the thunder that lives in each of us giving us vision to be all we were created to be.
Are there any areas of your life you see God working to revive?
Do you see yourself the way you think God sees you?
If you are interested in learning more about who you were created to be along with building relationships with strong, like minded women, Life Group sign ups are happening now! Wednesdays at 10:30 am Children always welcome! This semester we will dive into The Dream Of You by Jo Saxton
Hope to see you there!